Unrequited
by Sybil Seether
Summary: Ellie and Craig, season 6. Musings and goings on, what have you.
1. Chapter 1

She drummed her nails on the table top. She'd painted them black, like she used to paint them in high school, before she got all polished. Before she'd smoothed and straightened her hair and wore it around her shoulders and across her forehead like everyone else. She felt like she wanted to excavate that girl with the black pants with the buckles on them and the ripped long sleeve shirts and the crazy braids in her hair.

Maybe she felt all out of balance because Craig was coming home. She'd sent him away, in a way. She'd made him go and sing his songs alone, just him and his guitar. He didn't need her or the band. It was never about them, or for them. It was his thing, and it was clear to her that he wasn't in sick love/obsession with her like she was with him and she was still too cool to admit anything, so she told him to go despite his protests, 'what about you guys?' he'd said, his eyes burning into her, so large, so hazel brown green, 'we'll be fine,' she'd answered, not knowing if it was a lie or an omission. It didn't matter if it was both, or neither. 'What about Joey and Angela?' he'd said, grasping at straws. There was no reason for him to stay. And now he was coming back.

She'd see him. On the surface of the thing they were still friends, and he was kind of sort of seeing Manny. With her ear to the ground she knew he hardly ever called her. She knew Manny hadn't seen him since he left. She didn't feel threatened by Manny. She didn't know what was threatening her.

She could feel him in the air over her, the plane just a little gray speck that held all she held dear. That shiny gray speck was his world, and so it was hers. She could imagine the taste of his lips and the feel of his fingertips on her unsuspecting skin, she could feel the shiver. She knew how his presence would fill the airport, the car, the rooms where she'd see him and she'd try to breathe around no oxygen, around the shrill siren in her head. Craig Manning. It might have worked out better if he'd just stayed away.


	2. Chapter 2

She didn't go to the airport to get him. She left that to Manny, still having some sense of what was proper. But she could feel it slipping. She could see Craig in that fuzzy, hazy, pulling out the memories too often way that made him unclear. She could only remember pieces, the shape of his nose, the way he would blink, his almost stutter sometimes. It wouldn't coalesce into a whole.

She was sitting on the couch, watching Marco watching T.V. She pulled on a strand of her straightened hair and wondered if he'd match her thoughts, her sparkling half clear fantasies. She swallowed hard and squinted at the commercial for some worthless overpriced item she might buy. She bought a lot of things.

"Craig's coming back today, huh?" Marco said, knowing full well he was. She smiled and looked out the window into the darkness.

"Yep," she said, and it was so unspoken between them. Marco only mentioned Craig to get her reaction and she denied him. But that denial was enough, and Marco smiled sadly at her.

Dylan wasn't aware of any of it, he hardly even knew Craig. He sat down next to Marco and took his hand, and Marco leaned into him and against him, and Ellie felt herself feeling jealous that they had each other and she had no one. Was Jesse anyone? Not when Craig was coming back into town.

She heard their steps on the stairs, the wooden stairs that led to their wrap around wooden porch. She closed her eyes. Would Manny be with him? Would she have to watch them kissing or holding hands or something obnoxious? She took a deep breath and stirred in her seat. There was nothing she could do.

The knock at the door quickened her heart beat and she didn't care if she had to watch him having sex with Manny, she just wanted to see him. She sunk back a little, not wanting to be the one to open the door. At the second knock Marco stood up and walked the paces to the door. Ellie closed her eyes.

"Hey, man!" She heard him say, but it wasn't Craig and Manny. It was Spinner and Jimmy.

"Hi, guys," she said, keeping the disappointment out of her voice. Spinner smiled his wide dopey smile and Jimmy smiled his tight bearing up under tragedy smile. They came in and talked to Dylan and Marco and she couldn't join in, feeling too distracted by the knowledge that Craig was on his way.

Swallowing, her throat dry, her eyes scratchy. She dug her black nails into her palms, making the half crescents fill with blood. Where was he already? She had no patience. She tapped her foot, stared at the light that reflected off of Jimmy's wheelchair.

And then it was for real. The footsteps on the stairs more deliberate somehow. She could track his movements by sound alone. She could see his arm and hand poised to knock before he even made the fist. She could see Manny next to him, her long black hair and tight jeans. The way she held her pocket book and the way she tilted her head. She could see the harsh porch light reflected off the planes of their faces, making their pupils pinpoints.

At the second knock Marco rose to answer the door, and she felt the air crushing her, her windpipe no bigger than a straw, air whistling in and out. She bit her bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood.

"Hey!" Craig, filling the doorway, and she could glimpse Manny behind him on the porch, her tan skin shining in the light.

"Hey, man!" Marco embracing him, and she saw the typical way Craig shrunk away from hugs, although he hugged Marco and allowed himself to be hugged back. Allowed, that was the key word. Ellie stared from the corner of her eyes, watched as Spinner jumped up and hugged him, too. Saw Dylan nod at him, not even moving from the couch. Manny inched her way inside, wheeling a suitcase with her, brushing a long sheath of black hair from her face.

And then he was directly in front of her. She could smell that smell that was so much him. That cologne, the detergent he used, aftershave, whatever combination it was. Now there were new smells, smells from the plane and the taxi, smells from Vancouver and tour buses and other people she didn't know. Strangers that touched him, making him a stranger, too.

"Hi, Ellie," he said, and she stood up to greet him.

"Hi," she said, not making the first move to hug him or touch him in any way, but he spread his arms wide and she had to go into them.


End file.
